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ashleys_mask in ficalbum

First post. *squee* excited!

Title: Believer
Paring: Chad/Bam,
Word Count: 1196
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Characters = REAL people. Story = NOT real. I am in no way associated with either Bam Margera or Chad Ginsburg.
Italics = lyrics; copyright of Kill Hannah

WARNING: Language and mention of illegal substances.

From the outside, you'd think the inhabitant of the house was well off. Someone with a substantial amount of money, tons of friends and family. But your eyes can be deceiving. Many who stopped by the house judge it with a positive eye, but that's because they don't know. Hundreds of fans have stopped by the house in hopes of getting a glimpse of me, but after a couple of years, they stopped coming. There was a time when I hated the frequent visits from fans, but now I wish they'd come by. I wish someone would stop by, to check on me or see if I was still alive. Even my over-loving mom didn't stop by. I crouched in the corner of my room. The house was empty, not just of people and happiness, but my stuff was gone too. Any day now they'd be coming to take the house from me. Then I'd be on my own. Every night I ask why I did this to myself? Why did I let the fame go to my head?

I started picking my friends off one by one. Telling them I didn't need them anymore. First Raab, then Dico, Rake, Dunn, Gee and even Novak. The one person who told me he'd always have my back. Should have known once the money stopped coming he'd leave. Once the girls weren't impressed by him knowing 'Mr. Millionaire Bam Margera,' he left. I cried so many nights after losing him, he'd been one of my closest friends. Even my own brother didn't associate with me. He said something like, 'I don't want my kids around that.' I stared at my reflection in the mirror, it was repulsive. My body and mental state was wasting away. Soon I would be nothing. I'd went from number one to the bottom of the pack. Nowadays, I can walk out in public and no one recognizes me. There was a time when I appreciated this, but it had long gone away. Sometimes there's people who do double takes, but after a minute of looking they just shake their head.

After a year and a half of our marriage, that's how Missy began to look at me. She wouldn't touch me and we barely talked. Soon, she gave up on me and left. I resorted to Ville, my inspiration, the guy I strived to be like. He shunned me away, surprised that after so many months of not talking I finally got a hold of him. He just hung up the phone as I said hello. It broke my heart to see all the people I loved walk away from me. My parents had been the last ones standing until a few months ago. I hadn't been working for money, I'd been spending it all on drugs and booze. Trying to drown my misery away, wanting my name to be erased. Once it was though, I tried to give anything to get it back. When it didn't come I left a message on my parents phone. Yelling about how 'everyone had left me' and 'I don't need your fucking help.' So they never talked to me again, for a couple of months I pretended like I didn't care. But they were my parents, of course I cared.

I peered around the room, what a sight it was. A disheveled mattress, tatty blanket and pillow. The floor was littered with dirty needles, spoons, razorblades, empty beer bottles and cigarette butts. I sighed and stood up to stretch. Outside I could see a car pulling into the driveway. My heart jumped at the thought of it being my dealer bringing more blow or heroin, it wasn't. Neither was it someone coming to kick me out of the house.The car was way too nice for those likes. I strained my eyes, but I couldn't make out the person. They pulled up in front of the house and walked to the door. Downstairs I could hear them knocking, but I didn't move. The door wasn't locked, they'd soon realize that. I mean what was there to steal anymore. I sold everything for scraps of money. Hearing the door creak open, I waited for the person to walk upstairs. Who was it? Everyone had given up on me, hadn't they? No one had visited for months.

Bam?” I heard someone call from the stairs. Should I answer or wait for them to find me? Since I'd been away from society for so long I didn't recognize the voice. “Bam?” They called from outside the room. They pushed open the door and our eyes connected with one another's, it was Chad.

Bam, is that really you?” He asked, not moving into the room. I grunted, but he still didn't move any closer. “What's been going on with you, it's been months?” The last time I'd seen Chad was when I tried to get into the CKY show in Philly. He told me to go home and get some rest. He must've noticed that I hadn't slept in weeks.

Look around, what do you think?” I said, staring out the window. He dared to step into the room, but didn't move towards me. “I fucked up Chad, this is what I have to show for it. No friends, no family, no money, no fans or career. I'm nothing.” He looked at me and stepped a little bit closer, wanting me to continue. “It's been forever since anyone visited me you know?” I told him.

Well, I just haven't had the courage to come inside. I've stopped here many a time, just never made it inside the gate. I was kind of scared of what I'd see.” He moved closer to me, if I reached out I could touch him.

You've been coming here?” I turned around to face him.

Whenever I can, normally at night or early morning. You know, so Jina won't worry.”

I'm so sorry Chad. I know I made a mistake, I just wish I could fix it.” Tears were slipping out of my eyes and he reached out for me.

I can help you, Bam.” He touched my arm, inching closer.

It's no use to try anymore. Does it mean that much to you?” I asked him and then I fell into his arms. “I'll stand to face it all. I'll fight for every breath until there's nothing left of us. I need you to believe in me.” I looked up at him. “And I'm not running anymore.” He smiled at me and whipped my tears from my cheeks.

You can stay with me.”

What about Jina?”

I can ask her to stay with a friend for awhile if it'll make you feel better.”

That would be nice. I'm not really used to people at the moment. One person is enough.” I said with a smile.

Well, I am known to be a handful.” He said with a laugh.

Me too.” I said returning his laugh. It felt good to smile and be happy. For once, I could see a ray of happiness bursting through. It was all because of you. You believed in me.



March 2009



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